Total eclipse of the heart
by Lothiriel84
Summary: "Three men had told her the fateful words so far. Each time had been worse than the one before as a matter of fact." - Title from the namesake song by Bonnie Tyler; set at some point in the future after the season finale, so beware of spoilers...


_**Author's note: **written for the Paint It Red Monthly Challenge - prompt: "Three words that can change your life forever_"

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**Total eclipse of the heart**

Life isn't fair – she thought as she downed another shot of tequila.

Three men had told her the fateful words so far. Each time had been worse than the one before as a matter of fact.

Greg kept on telling he loved her until she freaked out and simply ran away. They'd been so very young, and she definitely wasn't ready for the altar.

Sam Bosco admitted the same just a couple of minutes before dying – though she had known it for a long while. Perhaps it would have been better if he hadn't after all.

And Jane… well, right before staging her shooting he blurted out the weirdest _love you_ she'd ever heard. Then he went on with his wild plan and never mentioned it again.

What was she supposed to do now that Red John was finally out of picture?

Best thing was probably forget about it. Even if Jane had really meant what he'd said, the two of them were so broken that they could only end up hurting each other.

They'd better apply damage limitation and try to save their friendship. She had a feeling that neither of them was quite prepared to give it up yet.

The knock at her front door took her by surprise. She didn't expect to find Jane standing on her doorstep – looking far less self-assured than usual, a hint of uncertainty showing in his sky-blue eyes.

"Hey", was all he said by way of a greeting.

"Hey yourself. Come in, I'll make you some tea."

She guessed rather than saw him frowning at the bottle of tequila resting on her coffee table. He didn't comment on it though.

"Earl Grey's okay for you?"

"Yeah, that would be great."

As she wandered around her own kitchen putting the kettle on the stove and fetching Jane's favorite teacup, a sudden lump formed in her throat.

Tea making had become too much of a habit to her. It felt almost as the routine of an old married couple as a matter of fact.

And she simply couldn't – she really shouldn't – allow herself to feel this way. Not about Jane of all people.

Sobs threatened to choke her as she sank to the kitchen floor. She was sick and tired of it all.

Life really sucked sometimes.

She had no idea how long she remained there – before Jane came in and sat down beside her. His arms wrapped around her of their own accord.

"I'm sorry, Teresa. I shouldn't have come."

"It's not as you think. I'm just tired, that's all."

Pulling away from his embrace she struggled to her feet again. Then wiped away her tears and grabbed the kettle – pouring the hot water into the cup.

He stood there silently, and didn't fail to notice the way her fingers were trembling as she handed him his tea.

"Teresa, I…"

"Please don't say it, Jane."

"Don't say what?"

"That you love me. It never turns out well when someone does."

Her gaze followed him as he placed his still full teacup on the coffee table, just beside her tequila.

"I won't."

"Okay."

Whether she felt relieved or merely heartbroken she actually couldn't tell.

"I've been terribly selfish all along. The best that I could do now is probably disappear out of that door and never show up again."

All of a sudden he trailed off, as if wondering how much he had the right to tell her.

It took her all the strength she possessed to control her own voice.

"I'm not stopping you, I think."

"I know. It's just… _I need you_."

Her eyes widened at those last three words. For it wasn't what she was used to.

She could handle Jane mercilessly flirting with her – even manipulating her into backing him up with his crazy schemes. She could also live with him admitting his supposed feelings for her in the heat of the moment, and then pretending not to remember anything about it later.

But this was different. This was pretty much like someone saying he needs the air that he breathes.

And she didn't know in the least how to deal with _that_.

"Jane…"

He shook his head slowly. "You don't have to say anything about it, Teresa."

Gingerly she stepped closer and placed a hand on his chest. Then she buried her face on his vest and slid her arms around his waist.

_She needed him too – even if she wasn't ready to tell him yet._

The moment his lips found her neck she knew she wasn't going to stop him – ever.

Nine years were a hell of a long wait after all.


End file.
